True Colors

The blood was shed
It will never be the same
Feel the intruding lead
That hangs my head in pain

The drainage not on my hands
But flows down my back
It was only in the sands
Where you planned your attack

Executed without flaws
With no issue at hand
You dug deep with your claws
Into a faceless land

Your face full of lies
When you greet me at that place
I see through your disguise
And reject your embrace

The wound you try to heal
Is now a gaping maw
Your words can never conceal
The true colors I saw

Diva de los muertos

I whispered in her ear just to glare inside the fences
Her ambrosia could paralyze the senses
A paradigm to hear the acid rain
Of paradise she dreamt with, the tears she can’t contain
And one by one, they poured in incrementally
She took my crown of thorns and she wore it as a wedding ring
Said “I do”, reciprocated vows
And blew a thousand kisses to the dissipated clouds
I held her claws as we walked between the headstones
Of those who tried connecting all the dots between her freckles
Then she let go… and so did I
As I studied hieroglyphics on her alabaster pigment
All her thoughts would compose a careful symphony
That summoned all my scars and the ghost of serendipity
They sang a hymn though that could cloak the air in mystery
To shatter all my shields, to expose a flair of misery

On a day like this, I’ma break my wrist when I write a little bit about the strangest kiss
That would grace my lips, and the frozen tongue that was soaked in blood but it tasted bliss
I start to choke, break in half ’cause I can hear the battle sounds
Of gods that close their stake in hand to fight vampiric habits now
You think I’m sentimental? I think you’re heavy mental
With some innocent intents too intense ’cause you said “be gentle”
And this is more or less a morbid test of sordid stress
A foreign sense of orchid scents before I lay my skull to rest
I sit alone and think of darkness while the sun is raised
You grip that throne to drink from hearts until their blood is drained
But at least you’re honest, speaking like you’re being modest
‘Til you see a carcass at your feet and then you feast upon it
Your eyes resemble Mephistopheles, in fact
I’ve never seen you smile at all and all your teeth are black
The Diva de los Muertos is just swallowing my skin
When she sneaks in with the scarecrows and it’s haunting me again/ (when she…)

I always knew you were pretty with all those scratches on your face, look…

And while I’m all apologetic you just conjure monsters headed
To my head, it’s probable, the claws are sharpened, sharp and ready
Steady when you’re treading, careful not to fall in love
‘Cause when I’m finally done you’ll know why it’s called a crush
All your bones corroded and they hide inside decaying flesh
Still you cut your tongue out ’cause you don’t want to taste it yet
So save your breath, you kiss me like a guillotine
Fuck just like a whore and smell like whiskey and some Listerine
Follow me again and sing an hour with the wind
And when I travel to the gallows you just scowl me again
And grin with foul teeth and skin, when you go to bury daisies
Haunted by carriages, Rosemary’s Baby
Listen grave-dancer, with disarray pander
Your lips display cancer and kissed my face after
Come and go to summon hope with cryptic, fake glamour
But under oath you cut my throat with sickle blade laughter
And it’s hard to keep your sanity when spirits’ll consume you
And you’re consuming spirits just to peer into the voodoo
Who knew…that you could smile when you take a life?
Surviving from the vitamins you’re finding when you take a bite
All my questions all are meshes, wallowed sections
Of my chest, the small intestines, large intestines, all a plexus, all digested
Not to mention, you’re just following a trend
When the Diva de los Muertos is just haunting me again…

Wake up dead

As I illustrate the features just to mold them into life

I’ll hold it with my hands and I’ll sculpt it into ice

Just so I can set her free and let her soar into the sky

Follow me into the grim odyssey the villain’s in

Haunting like a diligent zombie ’til it kills again

All I see’s a colony of oddities and ill intent

Feeling bent, swallowing the qualities of innocence

In a sense, there’s a sickness in my chest

If you think that life’s a bitch you should give her some respect

Maybe she’s a genophobe, a victim of neglect

And the impotence you have is just a symptom of the stress

All I know is that there is no certainty in life I hold

Weather in the city matches perfectly inside my skull

Everything is dark, everything is grey and cold

Laying out the canvas just so I can let the paint unfold

Phantom in the rainfall, phantasmagoric

Plastered in the same spot but can’t manage solace

Standing in the graveyard with hands clamped in foregrip

Chant until the days gone, a fantastic courtship

YOU Look into my eyes and try to find a breath of life

SEE All the mysteries and secrets that I kept disguised

THROUGH All the perfect insecurities I meant to hide

ME Ain’t no way because I always feel so dead inside

Now I spell “dedicate” with another letter, “a”

Walk into the center stage, caught up into heaven’s gate

Every single step I take reminds me of the death I taste

Unfulfilled promises or ones I didn’t get to make

Unless they break, but I’m modest with the greeting

Overexistential and my confidence is sinking

Swallowed all my pride, my esophagus is bleeding

Ominous and seething, watching but I’m nauseous from the feeding

This what you get when you’ve been greeted with an echo

Just another operatic sequence in falsetto

Just another very tragic piece of a libretto

Just another charismatic demon in the meadow

Sneaky with the silver tongue, now I’ve lost my thrill for blood

Falling to my knees as the shadows start to close in

Take my last breath, grab my own lifeless hand

Let the silence in and I finally…fall asleep

Heavenly Hide n Seek

Somehow i'm playing hide and seek with myself.

trying to hide from what really affects me, and confronting the problems that are not mine, which in some ways they seem simpler than mine.

Trying to depend on my own strength i can't do more than give up, crawl on the floor and feel miserable.

Then in the middle of this confusion, when it all seems dawn, no guidance someone beloved reminds me.. "There's no need to run, in His love you are free".

Can you imagine how that hit my world and turned it all around!? NO NEED TO RUN! NO NEED TO REMAIN IN SILENCE, NO NEED TO CRAWL ON THE FLOOR.

Because there he is... the heavenly one. Leaving you free to walk or run, he is your hide out, no need to hide anyway else, he is my friend, i break the silence with him!

It's almost 2:00 am, and the memories of a love that i was supposed to forget, came back to me. Like when you are hidden in the closet and suddenly the door opens and it seems the end of the world for you... I was that kid today, hidden in a closet.

Then i realized that by the love and grace of that heavenly one i shall feel no pain, no worries. Onlly happiness.

I'd rather hide and seek with the father up above, because everytime i find him or he finds me i know i'll find a loving father to hug.

I'd rather play tag with my father up above, because i wan to run behind him for the rest of my days.

This writing began as a regret of what i did, but a few minutes later as i write this a realize it went for good, it went perfect in God's way. He wanted me to learn something.

God bless that whom in a moment harmed me, God bless that whom someday she'll make happy, God bless that who'll make me happy, May God bless that who reads this today.

J

Coming clean

Im a coward.

I hide behind all of these delicate lies that i sing;

But im trying to come clean.

Im so lonely

Surronded by people who know me but dont know a thing,so im trying to come clean.

And every relationship ive ever been in,has fallen apart at the seems.

And im just afraid ive been singing about love but ill ,never find out what it means.

And if I was honest about what the problem is id have to admit that its me.

Im just trying to live up to all that you want me to be.

Im a liar

I sing pretty things but i never quite say what i mean.

So im trying to come clean.

Im so sorry.

I know that i cant take it back no i cant change a thing.

So im trying to come clean

Silence

The pain that someone once left, is the silence i must confess.

Like a small kid fighting to be born, like a musician trying to compose when he's being tangled by the encore.

The small injury in the deep bottom is even more painful than a bullet in my toe.

My soul screams for help, look it seems archangelic, is it real?

is it true that it's all a dream, is it true that you never left, is it a lie?

I have no else to do, but to struggle in my room, fighting with the pillows and the broken spirits that torment my peace.

No it's no demon, it's the spirit of a thousand broken hearts, reminding me never to fall again.

Like a bird in a cage, my feelings are struggling to get out, but a man is a man and a man shreds no tears, a man doesn't have stupid feelings, That's what they say.

But I'm no man, I'm a kid who grew up to fast, who gets mad every time she comes back to my mind, a kid trying to grow.

How is it? This kid grew without even being born. Through the galaxy it was flying and it collapsed... yes my galaxy collapsed, and every word she said threw me further and further into a vile selfish land called home, earth, planet.

where intelligent animals call themselves human, but there is no human in this world.

i had to adapt, and i had two forms. Adaption and Perfect Adaption.

and i realized it's easier to adapt because it's to follow the worlds stupid pattern and be somebody and anybody at the same time.

So i chose Perfect Adaption, which is the secret soul you bond with yours to make you a happy animal in a world fulfilled with un-happiness.

I'm not mad at all, i keep no rage, i keep the memories i once enjoyed, but now they hurdle what they call a heart.

The voice in my head screams "you are alone" but a strange feeling in my heart says "I'm here" and what is there is what i once bonded with my soul to make me a happy animal.

The silence surrounds my bedroom as i write my feelings, knowing that no more than 5 of my closest friends shall or will read this, because they have interest, because they lived what i lived and they feel what i feel. The pain of loving, and having to stop.

The tears we shared in a car, in a lonely night. The crack in the park at midnight telling part of the secret, the valuable time we sit down in a bench in silence, because that is what bonds us.

oh hell of the day you passed in silence, and in silence u left unnoticed, just like me.

there goes winter, summer, spring and fall a year filled with silence, pretending you can handle... we can handle all the world's issues in a sight, but we are afraid to let the world know what happens in our mind, in silence, in the dark. We admire the couples, we admire love, we admire reconciliation but we are afraid to reconcile, love and become couples, because of what that somebody did. Marked my life, marked your life, marked our life.

do you realize what i did today? i had to speak about silence in silence, because i don't dare to speak.

wreck full silence, the hurdle of my times, will i be the stimulus to make you end? will i be the one to take the first step? will you ever stop, will you ever continue your way? will you ever let me know if that somebody felt as i do today, yesterday, tomorrow...?

silent... no speak, nobody to care

1991-∞

A year ago...

And my heart left my chest so forgive me
As you leave to find that next something new
But I can't for the life of me remember when
You changed your words I love you to saying you don't know
Oh oh
Just know that you can't take back what you said
Darling i'm not in the forgiving mood
You kept on replying it was all in my head
Well you're just a liar
And I've got the proof
I've got the proof
So with these few words you'll erase me
2 years of our life's meant nothing to you
But this fool you made out of me has a lesson learned
You can't trust a lover who was never a friend
Oh oh
The end
oh oh
Just know that you can't take back what you said
Darling I'm not in the forgiving mood
You kept on replying it was all in my head
Well you're just a liar and I've got the proof
I got the proof
Oh ohh ohh
I would have offered my life taking you home
Made you my wife
But hearing you now feeling your mouth with the cowards lies
You're just a disguise
Of the girl of my dreams
But I know she's waiting for me
So ill open my eyes to the day that's before me
And leave here to find the next something new